I had a bit of a perspective day today. I had two primary things to accomplish. One of which was seemingly completing a final chapter and the other pertained to a comparatively new chapter.
My aunt Ange died this week. She lived a long and good life. She was ninety-three. Her husband, my mother’s older brother Herb, had died more than thirty years ago and the truth of the matter is that I didn’t know my aunt very well, if at all. But my mother is gone and there are few of her generation left and I thought it would be important to her that someone from our family represent us at Aunt Ange’s funeral.
There were a lot of people there. But I didn’t know many of them. They were mostly family of hers I’d never met, generations of people I’m related to but will never know. Besides Ange’s children, I saw two cousins of mine. Out of forty-six.
Some of my cousins live far away. We’re all old and everyone is busy. But I was surprised that I was one of three to show up. And yet the church was full. It was an interesting lesson in the law of displacement. Even though my generation wasn’t there, the church was full. Circle of life stuff.
When I was done, I walked to a bus and went to a school. A college in which I’m currently enrolled, in an online course. I had to take care of some finances.
Oh my God did I get lost. Asking kids where I should be, which way to go. I felt like a doddering old grandpa who needed help finding his way home. After twenty minutes or so, I found my spot and took care of the things I had to take care of and all I wanted to do was to be home.
I’d spent an hour and a half in a high Catholic funeral and an hour and a half trying to find my way to a registrar. I was in a world that was my grandparents’ and a world that could have been of my grandchildren.
I don’t think I’ve ever found the in between. At least not today.